My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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