I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
