is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
