I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
