another moral hangover. fuck.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Randomize
