so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
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there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
You did what with his pubic hair?
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