If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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