I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
