this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
