Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
