I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
