Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
