You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
