At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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