I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Sober January is a disaster.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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