remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
