Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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