I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
