I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
