nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
