Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
