he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
