Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
