this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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