The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
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I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
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Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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