I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
