I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
