The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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