The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
this hospital has no fireball
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
