So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
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i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
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Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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