I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
