i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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