I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Randomize
