My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
