Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
