I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
