Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
