I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
why is half of my head shaved?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
