I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
we're making bets on your personal life
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
