I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
i think i just lost a toe
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
