pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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