I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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