That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
