so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You need a sexual gate keeper
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
