I bet he comes in French.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Randomize
