whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
