It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
