I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
