He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
