Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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