Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
