Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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