I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
