even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
