I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
