And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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