We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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