I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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