now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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