Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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