"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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