I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
