'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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