i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
17 year olds will be the death of me.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
