I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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