If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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